Why Most Neurodivergent Students Aren't "Choosing" Noncompliance
…and what's really what’s going on
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Simply put, children don’t do everything we ask them to do when we ask them to do it. We often assume it’s because they didn’t understand what we said so we repeat ourselves, sometimes in a louder voice. If that doesn’t work, our own frustration grows which inhibits our ability to remain emotionally regulated and problem-solve what to do next.
But, in many situations, we’ve already missed a step. Somewhere between repeating ourselves and assuming kids are just giving us a hard time, we often overlook the possibility that a child isn’t capable of doing what we’ve asked (yes, even if they were able to do it yesterday or when they were rested or when they had our undivided attention).
Skills can vary depending on circumstances including but not limited to our mood, confidence, motivation, physical comfort, or fatigue. This is true for all of us, not just kids.
So, what does this look like in a classroom?
When Kindergarten students begin school, no one expects them to know what to do. Teachers spend time building trust and safety, a sense of classroom community and routine, and then the learning begins.
For neurodivergent students, many continue to lack skills needed to be a student later into elementary school so it’s hard to remember that we may still need to support their executive functioning skills, social skills, and emotional regulation skills before asking them to engage in academic learning.
In order to complete a task that a teacher has asked a student to complete, that student must not only understand what is expected of them, but also needs to feel emotionally safe to begin a task they are unsure about (Remember: learning is a vulnerable experience) PLUS they must have the skills to do the thing being asked of them.
When students don’t respond in an expected way, teacher and school administrators may think:
“He is choosing to put his head down and not to get started.”
“She is choosing to argue with me instead of getting to work.”
“He is choosing to engage in unsafe behaviors.”
When I hear these phrases from educators, it’s time to get curious and start problem-solving. If a student with ADHD isn’t getting started when asked, it’s likely due to a lagging executive functioning skill. If an autistic student avoids a task or activity, more times than not it is due to a stress response and not a choice.
Neurodivergent students experience more lagging skills and are triggered more often and more easily than their neurotypical peers.
In some cases this is due to a sensitive nervous system and sometimes it’s due to previous school experiences. Many times it’s due to both. Remember, getting started on a task requires feeling safe in the environment, feeling connected to the person asking you to do the thing, plus the skills AND motivation to carry out the task. If one of these things is missing, a student’s ability to begin the task will likely crumble.
Below, I walk you through how to identify a student’s stress response and how to respond in these moments. I want you to feel prepared and confident when supporting students in these stressful situations.
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