In today’s Advice Thread, we are talking all about Homework & Executive Functioning.
As parents raising neurodivergent kids and teens who often struggle to feel time, manage time, and transition between activities independently, supporting our kids’ executive functioning is paramount. Also, homework struggles are REAL.
Figuring out what systems work to support our kids’ attention and motivation will help them understand what works and how to advocate for themselves as they mature.
I love the way you frame the need for the agenda. My son is offended by the idea of an agenda. We've tried so many different ways to explain it, and are still trying. The written agenda is a no go for him. Right now we are using a Google sheet that I have access to. He can collect the data however he wants (taking a picture of the assignment on the board, checking Schoology pages for the classes where all assignments are posted, or putting it straight into the Google page agenda while he's at school). He helped make the sheet with me and we've adjusted it as he's used it to address his concerns/struggles. Before he sits down for homework, we go over what he's collected and streamline it into the agenda. He needs help initiating filling it out, but he can fill it out on his own. Once it's filled out, it's really helpful for him to have the checklist to stay on task and to keep track of assignments (especially ones with longer due dates). It's the best system we've had so far, but it still requires support. Here's a sanitized copy of the agenda we are using (without his work and with basic column names instead of the words he chose to name them) in case anyone would find it helpful: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1AeZSUXOg_5k56Pl7FrznOSQYMaF2R7lDN8ow84UNoYE/edit?usp=sharing
And YES to an elective for 6th graders to teach executive functioning skills!
Homework time is always a work in progress for us. We've come a long way, but we have a lot further to go. Some things we've leaned: Doing homework earlier in the afternoon/evening is better (for him and me - he focuses better, and I am more patient). It also helps for him to use the checklist (from the agenda) and to have blocks of work time with breaks. It helps him to stay on task to know he gets a break between assignments/benchmarks (and he needs that break). Sometimes a timer helps him stay on task if he's struggling to start the work. He also sometimes likes for me to sit next to him, even though he works independently. We learned it's called body doubling (it’s for when someone is having trouble completing or starting or just doing a task and they need someone physically next to them to stand there and metaphorically hold their hand to can get it done), and it helps him focus and stay on task.
Thank you for sharing all of these strategies! We also use a google doc with my 10th grader that’s shared with both parents and tutors. He updates it on his Chromebook at school and we used to plan on a paper agenda but now he plans by added columns in the google doc. We can adjust the planning and talk about it together easier in the google doc than on paper and it can’t get lost!
Such a timely topic as I am in the midst of this struggle with my 6th grader. There really should be a class on executive functioning or some time spent quarterly in homeroom vs. just tossing every kid a planner with thoughts and prayers that they use it!
My child will not use the planner. We recently created a folder system as she was shoving most work in her laptop case where it was getting lost or jumbled with other papers. She has a folder labeled "To do" and a folder labeled "To Turn In".
The struggle is with the online assignments--I am working to get her to write these down in her planner or might see if I can find a larger post it like checklist she can use for the week in the "To do" folder. She seems to prefer post its and the folder system. I am going to use the explanation about the WHAT and WHEN hoping that might help shift her thought process and make it click.
We are a work in progress! I am looking forward to following comments for more suggestions.
Interestingly enough - my son's school offers a class called Flight, which IS executive function lessons but it's for all kids. Every parent whose kid is in it absolutely loves it. It's been a huge help for my kiddo on the spectrum, and since the teachers recognize "Hey tween kids struggle with these things maybe we should teach them," it doesn't feel like he stands out when they teach it.
This was top of mind because I was just looking at the course description (below) since we're working on signing up for classes next year at the moment.
Flight (2 Days)
Flight class is designed to be an engaging and interactive learning experience where students will enhance their skills in areas such as organization, time management, perseverance, resiliency, self-monitoring, and problem solving.
Students will use real world examples from their school and home lives to practice and master skills needed to be independent and collaborative 21st century learners.
With our 2E 6th grader with Dysgraphia, writing down assignments is not preferred (understatement), but his school loves Schoology and requires teachers to enter info there. Ah, I love/hate that thing. I had to print out a checklist of all the places our student has to check in Schoology before he is allowed to say, "I'm done". For long-term assignments, we chop it up into daily bites and put it on a paper calendar. I have also put in the calendar what his afterschool activities look like daily so he can see when he has more or less time. Together we make adjustments. This calendar hangs where he can see it when he eats breakfast. When the assignment is painful, say, typing a paragraph, I put on a visual time for 20 min. work chunks. How do I find out about missing IN-class work? One of life's great unknowns, a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma. Still working on it.
Our struggle has been that paper agenda thing. PTA at our school provided an agenda to all kids, but the school does not teach or support their use. And my kid says she refuses to use it - it doesn’t work for her because no one makes her write in it at school. She wants to use her phone to track assignments and set up reminders, but when we asked for that in her 504 meeting this year they said no, “because we don’t want kids on phones.” Are high schools more supportive of that modality? Doing it electronically on her chromebook doesn’t work because they don’t use the Chromebook in every class. She is willing to just use the Notes app, but is there a better app for this as we move on to high school next year? She’s managed to hold it all together somehow in middle school, but like others, I’m really worried about what will happen when expectations ramp up in high school!
I feel like we need to stop pushing paper planner for everyone and perhaps offer paper or shared docs like teaching them how to use a Google Doc that is shared with teachers and parents. Thoughts?
My 14 year old melts down the second homework is mentioned. If I push at all it just gets worse. That or she comes up with vague reassurances that the work is done (when it’s not) or reasons why she can’t do it (left her notebook at school, etc). She’s been lucky so far to be in schools without much homework. But I’m worried how high school will go next year.
And I’m not the best at remembering to ask anyhow.
I would love it if you would write a piece on executive dysfunction parenting executive dysfunction. It’s not like I magically became un-adhd the second I had kids.
100x yes to that topic. It's tricky to "parent" at something I now realize I was barely equipped to handle myself throughout school. And it's being amplified as the school (and social) demands on our 14-year-old ramp up, and all the EF skills I've muddled by without (for 40 years) are now required, center stage, for him to manage in first year of high school. My son, who's in the same ADHD boat, also is wisely wary of my input and guards his work fiercely.
This is such a tricky age because our teens tend to not listen to us/trust what we are suggesting. This is a normal part of teen development but emphasizes the critical need for the village of teachers, therapists, coaches, cool aunts and uncles—whoever—our kids WILL listen to who say the same thing we do. I joke that 50% of my job as a therapist is repeating what parents say. They want to be so independent but don’t know how—yet. One tip is to normalize ADHD and extend the conversation of EF support to cousins, neighbors, babysitters whoever your child will listen to who also has ADHD. Or have them follow accounts like The Holderness Family or How to ADHD with Jessica McCabe who share their experiences in a relatable way.
My child with ADHD struggles to do his homework. He gets frustrated very easily. I let him take a break when he gets home (snack, iPad) for 30 minutes. Then we do homework. Any advice for making homework time less stressful (for both of us)?
Start by focusing on what he CAN do independently at that time of day (which may differ from stamina earlier in the day). Also, make sure his teacher knows he is having a hard time and talk with his teacher about what he is independent with at school for comparison.
What is hard do you think? Time of day? Length of task? Type of task? Not independent with the task yet?
I’ll kick this off with one of my favorite strategies for all of us who say “did you write it in your agenda?” and our kids say “I don’t need to write it down…it’s online.”
The problem here is that they can’t SEE it without opening something online. And we can’t imagine another system because we grew up on paper planners.
So, I always recommend teaching kids that assignments posted online tell us WHAT to do but we have to use a paper (or digital with notifications/reminders) to tell us WHEN to do it. We have to be able to SEE the progress because it’s hard for brains with EF weaknesses to map these things out over time. And, we can’t just tell kids to do this. We have to teach them HOW.
Executive functioning weaknesses means it’s hard to visualize what DONE looks like and mapping it out piece by piece is all part of the learning process.
I would love to see an executive functioning elective required to ALL 6th graders to teach them how to do this.
What ideas have you used to help make homework be more effective? Or drop a question someone can answer below. See you in the comments!
I love the way you frame the need for the agenda. My son is offended by the idea of an agenda. We've tried so many different ways to explain it, and are still trying. The written agenda is a no go for him. Right now we are using a Google sheet that I have access to. He can collect the data however he wants (taking a picture of the assignment on the board, checking Schoology pages for the classes where all assignments are posted, or putting it straight into the Google page agenda while he's at school). He helped make the sheet with me and we've adjusted it as he's used it to address his concerns/struggles. Before he sits down for homework, we go over what he's collected and streamline it into the agenda. He needs help initiating filling it out, but he can fill it out on his own. Once it's filled out, it's really helpful for him to have the checklist to stay on task and to keep track of assignments (especially ones with longer due dates). It's the best system we've had so far, but it still requires support. Here's a sanitized copy of the agenda we are using (without his work and with basic column names instead of the words he chose to name them) in case anyone would find it helpful: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1AeZSUXOg_5k56Pl7FrznOSQYMaF2R7lDN8ow84UNoYE/edit?usp=sharing
And YES to an elective for 6th graders to teach executive functioning skills!
Homework time is always a work in progress for us. We've come a long way, but we have a lot further to go. Some things we've leaned: Doing homework earlier in the afternoon/evening is better (for him and me - he focuses better, and I am more patient). It also helps for him to use the checklist (from the agenda) and to have blocks of work time with breaks. It helps him to stay on task to know he gets a break between assignments/benchmarks (and he needs that break). Sometimes a timer helps him stay on task if he's struggling to start the work. He also sometimes likes for me to sit next to him, even though he works independently. We learned it's called body doubling (it’s for when someone is having trouble completing or starting or just doing a task and they need someone physically next to them to stand there and metaphorically hold their hand to can get it done), and it helps him focus and stay on task.
Thank you for sharing all of these strategies! We also use a google doc with my 10th grader that’s shared with both parents and tutors. He updates it on his Chromebook at school and we used to plan on a paper agenda but now he plans by added columns in the google doc. We can adjust the planning and talk about it together easier in the google doc than on paper and it can’t get lost!
Such a timely topic as I am in the midst of this struggle with my 6th grader. There really should be a class on executive functioning or some time spent quarterly in homeroom vs. just tossing every kid a planner with thoughts and prayers that they use it!
My child will not use the planner. We recently created a folder system as she was shoving most work in her laptop case where it was getting lost or jumbled with other papers. She has a folder labeled "To do" and a folder labeled "To Turn In".
The struggle is with the online assignments--I am working to get her to write these down in her planner or might see if I can find a larger post it like checklist she can use for the week in the "To do" folder. She seems to prefer post its and the folder system. I am going to use the explanation about the WHAT and WHEN hoping that might help shift her thought process and make it click.
We are a work in progress! I am looking forward to following comments for more suggestions.
Love the idea of two separate folders!
Interestingly enough - my son's school offers a class called Flight, which IS executive function lessons but it's for all kids. Every parent whose kid is in it absolutely loves it. It's been a huge help for my kiddo on the spectrum, and since the teachers recognize "Hey tween kids struggle with these things maybe we should teach them," it doesn't feel like he stands out when they teach it.
This was top of mind because I was just looking at the course description (below) since we're working on signing up for classes next year at the moment.
Flight (2 Days)
Flight class is designed to be an engaging and interactive learning experience where students will enhance their skills in areas such as organization, time management, perseverance, resiliency, self-monitoring, and problem solving.
Students will use real world examples from their school and home lives to practice and master skills needed to be independent and collaborative 21st century learners.
With our 2E 6th grader with Dysgraphia, writing down assignments is not preferred (understatement), but his school loves Schoology and requires teachers to enter info there. Ah, I love/hate that thing. I had to print out a checklist of all the places our student has to check in Schoology before he is allowed to say, "I'm done". For long-term assignments, we chop it up into daily bites and put it on a paper calendar. I have also put in the calendar what his afterschool activities look like daily so he can see when he has more or less time. Together we make adjustments. This calendar hangs where he can see it when he eats breakfast. When the assignment is painful, say, typing a paragraph, I put on a visual time for 20 min. work chunks. How do I find out about missing IN-class work? One of life's great unknowns, a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma. Still working on it.
Our struggle has been that paper agenda thing. PTA at our school provided an agenda to all kids, but the school does not teach or support their use. And my kid says she refuses to use it - it doesn’t work for her because no one makes her write in it at school. She wants to use her phone to track assignments and set up reminders, but when we asked for that in her 504 meeting this year they said no, “because we don’t want kids on phones.” Are high schools more supportive of that modality? Doing it electronically on her chromebook doesn’t work because they don’t use the Chromebook in every class. She is willing to just use the Notes app, but is there a better app for this as we move on to high school next year? She’s managed to hold it all together somehow in middle school, but like others, I’m really worried about what will happen when expectations ramp up in high school!
I feel like we need to stop pushing paper planner for everyone and perhaps offer paper or shared docs like teaching them how to use a Google Doc that is shared with teachers and parents. Thoughts?
My 14 year old melts down the second homework is mentioned. If I push at all it just gets worse. That or she comes up with vague reassurances that the work is done (when it’s not) or reasons why she can’t do it (left her notebook at school, etc). She’s been lucky so far to be in schools without much homework. But I’m worried how high school will go next year.
And I’m not the best at remembering to ask anyhow.
I would love it if you would write a piece on executive dysfunction parenting executive dysfunction. It’s not like I magically became un-adhd the second I had kids.
100x yes to that topic. It's tricky to "parent" at something I now realize I was barely equipped to handle myself throughout school. And it's being amplified as the school (and social) demands on our 14-year-old ramp up, and all the EF skills I've muddled by without (for 40 years) are now required, center stage, for him to manage in first year of high school. My son, who's in the same ADHD boat, also is wisely wary of my input and guards his work fiercely.
This is such a tricky age because our teens tend to not listen to us/trust what we are suggesting. This is a normal part of teen development but emphasizes the critical need for the village of teachers, therapists, coaches, cool aunts and uncles—whoever—our kids WILL listen to who say the same thing we do. I joke that 50% of my job as a therapist is repeating what parents say. They want to be so independent but don’t know how—yet. One tip is to normalize ADHD and extend the conversation of EF support to cousins, neighbors, babysitters whoever your child will listen to who also has ADHD. Or have them follow accounts like The Holderness Family or How to ADHD with Jessica McCabe who share their experiences in a relatable way.
Ohhhh great topic! I’m doing a podcast episode on parenting ADHD while also ADHD in a few months.
My child with ADHD struggles to do his homework. He gets frustrated very easily. I let him take a break when he gets home (snack, iPad) for 30 minutes. Then we do homework. Any advice for making homework time less stressful (for both of us)?
Start by focusing on what he CAN do independently at that time of day (which may differ from stamina earlier in the day). Also, make sure his teacher knows he is having a hard time and talk with his teacher about what he is independent with at school for comparison.
What is hard do you think? Time of day? Length of task? Type of task? Not independent with the task yet?
I’ll kick this off with one of my favorite strategies for all of us who say “did you write it in your agenda?” and our kids say “I don’t need to write it down…it’s online.”
The problem here is that they can’t SEE it without opening something online. And we can’t imagine another system because we grew up on paper planners.
So, I always recommend teaching kids that assignments posted online tell us WHAT to do but we have to use a paper (or digital with notifications/reminders) to tell us WHEN to do it. We have to be able to SEE the progress because it’s hard for brains with EF weaknesses to map these things out over time. And, we can’t just tell kids to do this. We have to teach them HOW.
Executive functioning weaknesses means it’s hard to visualize what DONE looks like and mapping it out piece by piece is all part of the learning process.
I would love to see an executive functioning elective required to ALL 6th graders to teach them how to do this.
What ideas have you used to help make homework be more effective? Or drop a question someone can answer below. See you in the comments!