Wow thank you Emily for this very interesting read! So many good points and concrete suggestions ! I found myself nodding along the way. Our daughter also experienced the “first day” anxiety a while ago. Exactly as you suggested, we think it’s related to not (1) not that comfortable with the school environment and (2) she had too much fun with us over the weekend and wanted to play with us in the week as well. For the second reason, we don’t want to change as we want her to have e great time with us. But we worked on the first part by inviting some friends over to play. Gradually she made lots of friends and felt comfortable with the school.
Your piece really resonates with me. And I hope more parents could see this as well. Thank you!
Any insights into what happens if drop-off continues to be very hard on a child who is older, like 2nd or 3rd grade and all standard advice has already been followed? Child does not have a 504/IEP or any diagnosis. Aside from the dropoff problem, the child appears typical.
I wish you would also acknowledge that the kids hate school because it basically operates like a prison for children and strips them of all agency the minute they walk in the door.
Hi Megan~Communicating this was my intention for point #2 of “when to be concerned.” Sometimes the avoidance is simply about the misalignment of the child’s needs and the school environment.
As a pediatrician focused on anxiety, I often see school-avoidant kids come in with stomachaches or headaches before anyone mentions worry. That pain is real and worth addressing while the right supports are built at school and home. And school nurses? Absolute angels—often the first to notice when a child needs more help.
Spiky profile time! You referenced things to try when the academic skills are too challenging for the student. Do you have suggestions for what to do when the student is bored because it's not engaging or is too easy? While at the same time, emotional regulation and impulse control are extremely behind others in the classroom.
Hi Liz~Increasing engagement often involved making sure the topic and complexity matches the child’s skills. Texts for reading can be switched out the easiest, but sometimes kids need to have access to a different level of math and science by spending time in those classes. This is easier to do in middle and high school but can also be done in elementary if the child is identified to receive gifted education services. I’ve seen kids both with an IEP and gifted identification receiving support and accelerated learning depending on the subject.
It can be really hard to differentiate in Kindergarten beyond just changing what they are reading. There’s such a wide range of school experience at that age and teachers are just trying to help everyone adjust to learning in a group. Sometimes, at those young ages, we just have to supplement with exposure to interests and reading outside of the school day/weekends and make sure teachers understand what behaviors might indicate boredom or need for more engagement.
Not yet, but this is a GREAT topic for a workshop. I’m adding it to my list for workshop ideas! I address school refusal some in my parent course and teacher course from each perspective but we could certainly dive into a whole hour workshop on this topic.
Great article! I notice you used the term school refusal and some folks are moving away from that term. Your thoughts? I do see school avoidance as a system (school) not adequately supporting a child.
Hi Denise! Great question. I address this in this week's podcast which will post on Wednesday. I also am moving away from the term "school refusal" only because it gives the connotation that a child is choosing not to go to school in a defiant kind of way rather than a stress response kind of way. At the same time, the term is accurate in that they are refusing to go so we could substitute any other word here like "resisting." I think it's ok to keep using the term refusal or resistance as long as our next question is "why?" Why are they refusing? It's not just to give us a hard time, it's because something isn't a fit or anxiety is spiking and we need to get curious and figure out why.
Wow thank you Emily for this very interesting read! So many good points and concrete suggestions ! I found myself nodding along the way. Our daughter also experienced the “first day” anxiety a while ago. Exactly as you suggested, we think it’s related to not (1) not that comfortable with the school environment and (2) she had too much fun with us over the weekend and wanted to play with us in the week as well. For the second reason, we don’t want to change as we want her to have e great time with us. But we worked on the first part by inviting some friends over to play. Gradually she made lots of friends and felt comfortable with the school.
Your piece really resonates with me. And I hope more parents could see this as well. Thank you!
Thank you for sharing!
Thank you for this!
Any insights into what happens if drop-off continues to be very hard on a child who is older, like 2nd or 3rd grade and all standard advice has already been followed? Child does not have a 504/IEP or any diagnosis. Aside from the dropoff problem, the child appears typical.
I wish you would also acknowledge that the kids hate school because it basically operates like a prison for children and strips them of all agency the minute they walk in the door.
Hi Megan~Communicating this was my intention for point #2 of “when to be concerned.” Sometimes the avoidance is simply about the misalignment of the child’s needs and the school environment.
As a pediatrician focused on anxiety, I often see school-avoidant kids come in with stomachaches or headaches before anyone mentions worry. That pain is real and worth addressing while the right supports are built at school and home. And school nurses? Absolute angels—often the first to notice when a child needs more help.
Spiky profile time! You referenced things to try when the academic skills are too challenging for the student. Do you have suggestions for what to do when the student is bored because it's not engaging or is too easy? While at the same time, emotional regulation and impulse control are extremely behind others in the classroom.
Hi Liz~Increasing engagement often involved making sure the topic and complexity matches the child’s skills. Texts for reading can be switched out the easiest, but sometimes kids need to have access to a different level of math and science by spending time in those classes. This is easier to do in middle and high school but can also be done in elementary if the child is identified to receive gifted education services. I’ve seen kids both with an IEP and gifted identification receiving support and accelerated learning depending on the subject.
That worked well for my older kids. It's not yet for the Kinder kiddo.
It can be really hard to differentiate in Kindergarten beyond just changing what they are reading. There’s such a wide range of school experience at that age and teachers are just trying to help everyone adjust to learning in a group. Sometimes, at those young ages, we just have to supplement with exposure to interests and reading outside of the school day/weekends and make sure teachers understand what behaviors might indicate boredom or need for more engagement.
Do you have any sample plans schools/families have used to support children when they struggle to transition into the building?
Not yet, but this is a GREAT topic for a workshop. I’m adding it to my list for workshop ideas! I address school refusal some in my parent course and teacher course from each perspective but we could certainly dive into a whole hour workshop on this topic.
Great article! I notice you used the term school refusal and some folks are moving away from that term. Your thoughts? I do see school avoidance as a system (school) not adequately supporting a child.
Hi Denise! Great question. I address this in this week's podcast which will post on Wednesday. I also am moving away from the term "school refusal" only because it gives the connotation that a child is choosing not to go to school in a defiant kind of way rather than a stress response kind of way. At the same time, the term is accurate in that they are refusing to go so we could substitute any other word here like "resisting." I think it's ok to keep using the term refusal or resistance as long as our next question is "why?" Why are they refusing? It's not just to give us a hard time, it's because something isn't a fit or anxiety is spiking and we need to get curious and figure out why.