#3 really resonates with me. Too often, neurodivergence is used as a shorthand for the autism spectrum, but dyslexic kids are the largest population of neurodivergent children. I have been thinking and writing a lot in my newsletter about how schools are not designed to serve dyslexic kids. If you add to that all those children who are on the spectrum or have attentional problems, that is a pretty significant number of kids. The special education process is a labyrinth and requires so much from the parents of neurodivergent children. And the mental health crisis among dyslexic children does not get enough attention.
Jessica, thank you for this comment! Yes, a big misconception is that neurodivergence is just autistic and it is not. It’s, in my opinion, a more accurate umbrella term than we’ve had in the past for autism, ADHD, learning disabilities, and giftedness (and some debate if giftedness is included). That said, special education is even more broad and can be so hard for parents to navigate. Are you writing about dyslexia on your Substack? I’d love to read your work. Will you link it here?
I have 2E, dyslexic, dysgraphic, and highly sensitive children and I agree neurodivergence is a more helpful way to think about them than as a collection of individual disabilities. All of these, plus autism and ADD/ADHD are spread across my family tree. No doubt in my mind these are traits rather than deficits.
#5 is so hard. Staying in the moment while also planning ahead to make sure they have everything they need in the future. Dealing with Medicaid waiting lists that are 15+ years long in some areas etc. you have to do both things simultaneously-enjoy everything and make sure you’re getting supports set up for the future
So hard. The system doesn’t let us plan one year ahead even thought that’s the healthiest thing for us to do. We still have to get on the waitlists and make long-term plans without all the information about what our kid’s skills will be in the future.
Phenomenal… “If adults are worried that the child will be made fun of for digging holes in the dirt rather than playing soccer, then we solve that problem by coaching the kids doing the teasing, not by changing the child happily digging holes.”
#3 is equally important as a parent - to be emotionally regulated. Good role models beget better regulated kids. It was a hard lesson to learn in our household, but I'm so glad we, as the parents, chose that path.
I agree, school is so hard for neurodivergent kids. I have ADHD, and looking back I think I can see why school was a stressful environment for me. I too, really had a hard time finishing high school, I just did not want to be there.
I have done much better in the workforce and I see why. I have flexible scheduling and hybrid work now. In most public schools, there is no flexible scheduling or ability to choose my environment. I had to take GE's in high school, many that I wasn't interested in, which makes it very hard to focus with ADHD.
Now that I am in the workforce, I can choose jobs I'm interested in and only work jobs with flexible schedules. I feel like having autonomy is so important for ADHD.
I agree and it is heartbreaking. Middle and high school is basically an executive functioning training ground which asks neurodivergent kids to face what’s hard for them every day. This is exactly what gets me out of bed every morning and why I’m writing a book. We have to make schools more flexible for our kids!
I often think that it’s a little easier for a lot of neurodivergent adults to do well in the real world than it is for neurodivergent students to do well at school, which is insane considering schools have dedicated staff, services and policies designed to support and protect them.
Really valuable piece, this - it’s vital for teachers to know how adults feel about their children because that’s the first place we should look when establishing a functional relationship with them. Parent confidence in teachers all comes down to whether we can quell these fears. It’s great to be able to see, in one place, what they’re probably thinking.
I completely agree. I can’t tell you how many times I hear adults (including myself!) say to neurodivergent kids…you just have to get through high school and it will get better. This is true for some neurotypical kids, too.
How did our high school experience get so out of whack with what real life is like? These are questions we have to keep exploring and I believe neurodivergent students hold the answers because they are first to feel the stress when things are out of alignment.
Thank you for sharing your perspective. Somehow I can calmly explain highly nuanced and emotionally charged information in an exam room, but put me on the receiving end of education-psych testing for my children and I can hardly hold it together. The contrast is telling.
And please (all you other readers) do share your good news. I’m too early in my journey for that, so do share your insights!
Oh I understand! I can stay emotionally regulated through all kinds of tough situations that are not about MY kids but then feel overwhelmed when my kid is struggling. I truly believe this is our evolutionary response to protecting our young. We have to help each other out in these moments!
My good news tidbit for you today is that I used to worry that all of the intervention needed to happen in this first five years. While yes, early intervention makes a big difference, my now 16 year old makes strides every day toward his goals. The learning is lifelong so staying hopeful for the future is part of what sustains me as a mama bear. 💙
#3 really resonates with me. Too often, neurodivergence is used as a shorthand for the autism spectrum, but dyslexic kids are the largest population of neurodivergent children. I have been thinking and writing a lot in my newsletter about how schools are not designed to serve dyslexic kids. If you add to that all those children who are on the spectrum or have attentional problems, that is a pretty significant number of kids. The special education process is a labyrinth and requires so much from the parents of neurodivergent children. And the mental health crisis among dyslexic children does not get enough attention.
Jessica, thank you for this comment! Yes, a big misconception is that neurodivergence is just autistic and it is not. It’s, in my opinion, a more accurate umbrella term than we’ve had in the past for autism, ADHD, learning disabilities, and giftedness (and some debate if giftedness is included). That said, special education is even more broad and can be so hard for parents to navigate. Are you writing about dyslexia on your Substack? I’d love to read your work. Will you link it here?
Yes, my substack, An Unexpected Difficulty, is here https://jessicajkulynych.substack.com/
I have 2E, dyslexic, dysgraphic, and highly sensitive children and I agree neurodivergence is a more helpful way to think about them than as a collection of individual disabilities. All of these, plus autism and ADD/ADHD are spread across my family tree. No doubt in my mind these are traits rather than deficits.
Agreed! I’m parenting autism, ADHD, and anxiety and also have these in my family tree. Can’t wait to read your work!
#5 is so hard. Staying in the moment while also planning ahead to make sure they have everything they need in the future. Dealing with Medicaid waiting lists that are 15+ years long in some areas etc. you have to do both things simultaneously-enjoy everything and make sure you’re getting supports set up for the future
So hard. The system doesn’t let us plan one year ahead even thought that’s the healthiest thing for us to do. We still have to get on the waitlists and make long-term plans without all the information about what our kid’s skills will be in the future.
Phenomenal… “If adults are worried that the child will be made fun of for digging holes in the dirt rather than playing soccer, then we solve that problem by coaching the kids doing the teasing, not by changing the child happily digging holes.”
That is the ISSUE RIGHT THERE!!!
Yes it is!!
Emily, this is the second post of yours I’ve read and love your messages - actually subscribing after these two. Kudos, my friend!
Welcome! I’m so glad to have you here.💚
My focus is different - mental health. (And specifically suicide prevention and postvention.) love your messages.
Such important work. Thank you for writing about it!
#3 is equally important as a parent - to be emotionally regulated. Good role models beget better regulated kids. It was a hard lesson to learn in our household, but I'm so glad we, as the parents, chose that path.
I absolutely agree. Therapy for a child can only take the child as far as the parent’s emotional regulation takes them.
I have to say that I think school is about the worst place for many neurodivergent kids - at least after they hit puberty.
Once their brains begin the process it goes through during adolescence, it’s so much harder for them than neurotypical teens.
Teachers, administrators, school systems—no one understands. It’s so sad to see kids who once enjoyed school feel so defeated and anxious.
I suppose I’m mainly talking about kids with ADHD and learning differences (my son’s experience).
I’ve never been so glad as the day he finished high school. The weight that lifted from him was a wonderful thing to behold.
I agree, school is so hard for neurodivergent kids. I have ADHD, and looking back I think I can see why school was a stressful environment for me. I too, really had a hard time finishing high school, I just did not want to be there.
I have done much better in the workforce and I see why. I have flexible scheduling and hybrid work now. In most public schools, there is no flexible scheduling or ability to choose my environment. I had to take GE's in high school, many that I wasn't interested in, which makes it very hard to focus with ADHD.
Now that I am in the workforce, I can choose jobs I'm interested in and only work jobs with flexible schedules. I feel like having autonomy is so important for ADHD.
I agree and it is heartbreaking. Middle and high school is basically an executive functioning training ground which asks neurodivergent kids to face what’s hard for them every day. This is exactly what gets me out of bed every morning and why I’m writing a book. We have to make schools more flexible for our kids!
I often think that it’s a little easier for a lot of neurodivergent adults to do well in the real world than it is for neurodivergent students to do well at school, which is insane considering schools have dedicated staff, services and policies designed to support and protect them.
Really valuable piece, this - it’s vital for teachers to know how adults feel about their children because that’s the first place we should look when establishing a functional relationship with them. Parent confidence in teachers all comes down to whether we can quell these fears. It’s great to be able to see, in one place, what they’re probably thinking.
I completely agree. I can’t tell you how many times I hear adults (including myself!) say to neurodivergent kids…you just have to get through high school and it will get better. This is true for some neurotypical kids, too.
How did our high school experience get so out of whack with what real life is like? These are questions we have to keep exploring and I believe neurodivergent students hold the answers because they are first to feel the stress when things are out of alignment.
Thank you for sharing your perspective. Somehow I can calmly explain highly nuanced and emotionally charged information in an exam room, but put me on the receiving end of education-psych testing for my children and I can hardly hold it together. The contrast is telling.
And please (all you other readers) do share your good news. I’m too early in my journey for that, so do share your insights!
Oh I understand! I can stay emotionally regulated through all kinds of tough situations that are not about MY kids but then feel overwhelmed when my kid is struggling. I truly believe this is our evolutionary response to protecting our young. We have to help each other out in these moments!
My good news tidbit for you today is that I used to worry that all of the intervention needed to happen in this first five years. While yes, early intervention makes a big difference, my now 16 year old makes strides every day toward his goals. The learning is lifelong so staying hopeful for the future is part of what sustains me as a mama bear. 💙