In today’s Advice Thread we are talking all about SCHOOLS. When have you thought to yourself, “This teacher gets it!”
Public schools, private schools, homeschooling, unschooling and anything else you have found to best support your kids and teens on their learning journey.
Comment below to share a successful school experience (be sure to include your location) OR to request help with a recommendation in your location.
You can include an actual school name, a certain type of classroom setting, an approach that worked for your child, or share a problem you are having with school fit.
Randolph County, NC - My wife and I adopted our two oldest boys when they were 8 (T) and 13 (C). They had occasionally been to school in the years prior to their placement in the foster care system. Both my wife and I were classroom teachers at the time and neither of the boys realized that we felt like school was important. The first few years were a struggle. They were so behind academically. The oldest retreated into himself while the youngest had explosive behavior issues. After two years of my wife sitting at the kitchen table singing multiplication songs with him and having to advocate that he not be retained by the middle school because he had already been retained once, we finally decided that there might be something more going on than C just being behind because of his prior absences. We had a psychoeducational testing done privately and got them back just in time to take them to the high school he would be attending. Wheatmore High School was amazing. We received a quick response and within days an IEP was written for C. Each semester he had a "study skills" class. I wish I could remember the teacher's name, but she and C just clicked. She knew exactly how and when to push him and when to back off. She taught him organizational skills and helped him prepare for his classes. When he was reevaluated at the end of his junior year, he actually not longer needed EC services. During his senior year he not only passed his Biology EOC, he passed it with a 4 - the highest score you could get at the time. EC sometimes gets a bad reputation because of its cumbersome regulations, redundant paperwork, and frequent meetings, but I am so grateful to the EC department at Wheatmore High School. It's because of the relationship that they built with C and the hard work that they invested in him that he was able to graduate on time in 2014.
Thank you for sharing your story! Go C, go parents, and go school team! Everyone has to work hard AND collaboratively for progress to be made…and when it happens, it is SO SWEET!
School had been a horrendous experience for us in Vermont. There have been select few individuals who have been amazing, but the PBIS system that thinks kids do well when they want to is SO incredibly damaging, and even with my background (early intervention, developmental and clinical psychology) I’m not heard. Not getting recess/older kids not being allowed on playground equipment, taking away things they look forward to to “motivate” them to do better… and we all know that will make things worse 🥺 School is another trauma for both of us, so much so I’m trying my best to “fight the system” and figure out a way to use my right to an independent eval to have someone who can provide some psychoeducation on neurodiversity and PDA for staff because I know they, like my kiddo, do well when they can… but I struggle to balance the mama bear part of me with the “professional” part 😬 haha. Elementary school shouldn’t be like this…
My daughters experience with school from 1st-3rd grade was heart breaking. We learned they were just passing her. It’s a private school and they treat it like a business…so to say the least “they provided a service and we didn’t get what we paid for🤷🏽♀️”
Many tears many discussions the academic support provided in fourth grade for our daughter is night and day difference. The support teacher heard our pleas and is doing her research and advocating for our daughter. She is documenting everything and we are collaborating as parents and teachers should.
Dr Emily, thank you for sharing your knowledge. We have a long ways to go in educating this little private school about old traditions and they way it’s always been philosophies but right now this support teacher gets it!
I’m so glad you feel her teacher gets her! Isn’t it amazing how that’s such an intangible thing that we all feel as parents? If we feel it, our kids feel it too.
We pulled our son from online school when Covid hit and kept him out the following year when it was online. That year we were able to get an Autism/PDA diagnosis and research alternative education options. Despite a very high IQ, school was always a struggle and we tried several varieties, including specialized gifted programs. In my research I found the philosophy on unschooling particularly for PDA kids. Freedom and autonomy was suggested and we took a gamble. He played video games for a year and healed. He then started picking up instruments. It’s 4 years later and he was just accepted into a music conservatory with a scholarship. This would never have happened if we kept him in school where managing the sensory overload would have been where all of his energy went all day. With unschooling he was able to heal and then eventually tap into an interest and devote himself fully on his own terms. Sure, he is a bright kid and could have studied many academic pursuits. But music ended up being the thing and he is blossoming. There will still be struggle. I learned a long time ago to not get excited when one good step is made. But the mental health improvements from not having to manage school is worth every harrowing moment of worry that he wasn’t in school. There are many ways to get “an education.” School is not always the best place for this. I trusted the neurodivergent voices online and they led us to a peaceful and maybe even successful place.
Raleigh, NC E,age (ASD-1, ADHD, anxiety)11 is attending Oberlin middle school and continuing mandarin there. The mandarin teacher and E are not getting along well. E puts pressure on herself to complete homework at school so she can decompress after school. Her therapist is worried about burnout.
B, age 9 (dyslexic and anxious) is attending stough mandarin immersion. He completed 2 years of Wilson reading and is reading at grade level. His writing is behind. He is gifted in math. Teacher turnover this year has been awful. B hates school: math is too boring, English is hard but he likes that teacher.
Neither child trusts their teacher and both kids have to conform to an educational environment that doesn’t fit or celebrate their brains.
The relationship between a teacher and a student is everything! I'm a former elementary school principal. When a teacher would come to me for advice about a student, I would inevitably steer the conversation toward the relationship. There were also a few times I had to move a child to a new class because the relationship just wasn't there and it was causing more harm than good for both student and teacher.
Also, **prepares soapbox** homework is worthless. Kids hate it. Most parents hate it. Teachers hate it. Research does not support its use, aside from daily reading, until upper middle school and high school. Why do we cling to it?? Teaching responsibility and organization? I can probably list 100 different and more effective ways to do that. I had a few hold outs, but by the end of my 9 year tenure at the elementary school, almost no one gave homework besides reading a book.
MIC DROP on the homework comment! Yes, we have the research that shows HW in elementary years has no benefit and we can teach students EF skills in many other ways. Research support HW for adolescents but over 2 hrs/night begins having a negative impact. Check out my blog on HW for more on my thoughts on this. How can we get more administrators on board with this? https://learnwithdremily.substack.com/p/its-time-to-rethink-homework
Massachusetts - My son has Asperger’s / High fxn ASD. He just started middle school and is attending the Willow Hill School in Sudbury. It’s been great so far. About 7-8 kids per grade and it goes 6th-12th. We also had a great experience in Wellesley Public Schools for his elementary years Pre-K through 5th. They went above and beyond to work with us and support our son.
Randolph County, NC - My wife and I adopted our two oldest boys when they were 8 (T) and 13 (C). They had occasionally been to school in the years prior to their placement in the foster care system. Both my wife and I were classroom teachers at the time and neither of the boys realized that we felt like school was important. The first few years were a struggle. They were so behind academically. The oldest retreated into himself while the youngest had explosive behavior issues. After two years of my wife sitting at the kitchen table singing multiplication songs with him and having to advocate that he not be retained by the middle school because he had already been retained once, we finally decided that there might be something more going on than C just being behind because of his prior absences. We had a psychoeducational testing done privately and got them back just in time to take them to the high school he would be attending. Wheatmore High School was amazing. We received a quick response and within days an IEP was written for C. Each semester he had a "study skills" class. I wish I could remember the teacher's name, but she and C just clicked. She knew exactly how and when to push him and when to back off. She taught him organizational skills and helped him prepare for his classes. When he was reevaluated at the end of his junior year, he actually not longer needed EC services. During his senior year he not only passed his Biology EOC, he passed it with a 4 - the highest score you could get at the time. EC sometimes gets a bad reputation because of its cumbersome regulations, redundant paperwork, and frequent meetings, but I am so grateful to the EC department at Wheatmore High School. It's because of the relationship that they built with C and the hard work that they invested in him that he was able to graduate on time in 2014.
Thank you for sharing your story! Go C, go parents, and go school team! Everyone has to work hard AND collaboratively for progress to be made…and when it happens, it is SO SWEET!
School had been a horrendous experience for us in Vermont. There have been select few individuals who have been amazing, but the PBIS system that thinks kids do well when they want to is SO incredibly damaging, and even with my background (early intervention, developmental and clinical psychology) I’m not heard. Not getting recess/older kids not being allowed on playground equipment, taking away things they look forward to to “motivate” them to do better… and we all know that will make things worse 🥺 School is another trauma for both of us, so much so I’m trying my best to “fight the system” and figure out a way to use my right to an independent eval to have someone who can provide some psychoeducation on neurodiversity and PDA for staff because I know they, like my kiddo, do well when they can… but I struggle to balance the mama bear part of me with the “professional” part 😬 haha. Elementary school shouldn’t be like this…
My daughters experience with school from 1st-3rd grade was heart breaking. We learned they were just passing her. It’s a private school and they treat it like a business…so to say the least “they provided a service and we didn’t get what we paid for🤷🏽♀️”
Many tears many discussions the academic support provided in fourth grade for our daughter is night and day difference. The support teacher heard our pleas and is doing her research and advocating for our daughter. She is documenting everything and we are collaborating as parents and teachers should.
Dr Emily, thank you for sharing your knowledge. We have a long ways to go in educating this little private school about old traditions and they way it’s always been philosophies but right now this support teacher gets it!
I’m so glad you feel her teacher gets her! Isn’t it amazing how that’s such an intangible thing that we all feel as parents? If we feel it, our kids feel it too.
We pulled our son from online school when Covid hit and kept him out the following year when it was online. That year we were able to get an Autism/PDA diagnosis and research alternative education options. Despite a very high IQ, school was always a struggle and we tried several varieties, including specialized gifted programs. In my research I found the philosophy on unschooling particularly for PDA kids. Freedom and autonomy was suggested and we took a gamble. He played video games for a year and healed. He then started picking up instruments. It’s 4 years later and he was just accepted into a music conservatory with a scholarship. This would never have happened if we kept him in school where managing the sensory overload would have been where all of his energy went all day. With unschooling he was able to heal and then eventually tap into an interest and devote himself fully on his own terms. Sure, he is a bright kid and could have studied many academic pursuits. But music ended up being the thing and he is blossoming. There will still be struggle. I learned a long time ago to not get excited when one good step is made. But the mental health improvements from not having to manage school is worth every harrowing moment of worry that he wasn’t in school. There are many ways to get “an education.” School is not always the best place for this. I trusted the neurodivergent voices online and they led us to a peaceful and maybe even successful place.
Thank you for sharing your journey with us!
Raleigh, NC E,age (ASD-1, ADHD, anxiety)11 is attending Oberlin middle school and continuing mandarin there. The mandarin teacher and E are not getting along well. E puts pressure on herself to complete homework at school so she can decompress after school. Her therapist is worried about burnout.
B, age 9 (dyslexic and anxious) is attending stough mandarin immersion. He completed 2 years of Wilson reading and is reading at grade level. His writing is behind. He is gifted in math. Teacher turnover this year has been awful. B hates school: math is too boring, English is hard but he likes that teacher.
Neither child trusts their teacher and both kids have to conform to an educational environment that doesn’t fit or celebrate their brains.
The relationship between a teacher and a student is everything! I'm a former elementary school principal. When a teacher would come to me for advice about a student, I would inevitably steer the conversation toward the relationship. There were also a few times I had to move a child to a new class because the relationship just wasn't there and it was causing more harm than good for both student and teacher.
Also, **prepares soapbox** homework is worthless. Kids hate it. Most parents hate it. Teachers hate it. Research does not support its use, aside from daily reading, until upper middle school and high school. Why do we cling to it?? Teaching responsibility and organization? I can probably list 100 different and more effective ways to do that. I had a few hold outs, but by the end of my 9 year tenure at the elementary school, almost no one gave homework besides reading a book.
MIC DROP on the homework comment! Yes, we have the research that shows HW in elementary years has no benefit and we can teach students EF skills in many other ways. Research support HW for adolescents but over 2 hrs/night begins having a negative impact. Check out my blog on HW for more on my thoughts on this. How can we get more administrators on board with this? https://learnwithdremily.substack.com/p/its-time-to-rethink-homework
My son went to Oberlin for 6th grade. We had a horrible experience with bullying and accountability of the school. We left after that year.
Massachusetts - My son has Asperger’s / High fxn ASD. He just started middle school and is attending the Willow Hill School in Sudbury. It’s been great so far. About 7-8 kids per grade and it goes 6th-12th. We also had a great experience in Wellesley Public Schools for his elementary years Pre-K through 5th. They went above and beyond to work with us and support our son.
Thank you for sharing, Nick!
Capital Educational Soultions, Raleigh NC https://www.capitaleducationalsolutions.com/
Has been a great fit for my 13 year old son!
So glad to hear, Christine.💙