If you are raising a neurodivergent child, the uncertainty of their future can feel very anxiety-provoking. Will they learn to drive? Will they be able to live on their own? Will they be happy? One gift of parenting a child developing on their own path and time frame is that you learn to let go of any plans beyond a school year’s span of time. You learn to remain present in solving the problems and celebrating the wins of today. You appreciate small milestones because you have watched your child struggle to do things and you notice the relief and pride on their face when they are finally able to do it. The flip side of this experience, of course, is not knowing if and when your child will become independent with various skills.
Your advice for independence before flexibility is really useful. Still struggling to get my son to write in his school agenda (his EA does it for him). I have posted a simple morning checklist in his bathroom and a weather chart to inform him how to choose the right clothes for the weather. I want to take myself out of the equation as much as possible, but the hard part is getting him to look at the checklists.
Glad to have found your Substack! I'm looking forward to reading more.
Thank you for this. It really opens my eyes as to how I can work with my son (who just had his first haircut) to appreciate grooming because it physically feels better to have fewer tangles. I will definitely share with the rest of his village about how independence comes before flexibility. Pediatric shakes, you're next!
The way that you present the independence before flexibility framework makes this very accessible. I find it very challenging to get a good sense of how one of mine handles friendships. For instance, their middle school is doing a candy gram fundraiser, and she only wanted to send candy grams to her teachers and I found myself jumping ahead and thinking, "Well what if one of your friends is disappointed if they don't get one?" But you are right where she did it independently and in a way where she could feel proud of herself, and those are the things that are important.
Phenomenal advice, especially your fifth point - when ND children need support, the confidence to ask can be such a barrier. Loved every point here and will be sharing with my colleagues ❤️
Your advice for independence before flexibility is really useful. Still struggling to get my son to write in his school agenda (his EA does it for him). I have posted a simple morning checklist in his bathroom and a weather chart to inform him how to choose the right clothes for the weather. I want to take myself out of the equation as much as possible, but the hard part is getting him to look at the checklists.
Glad to have found your Substack! I'm looking forward to reading more.
P.S. Share in the comments where you are stuck in helping your child be more independent.
Thank you for this. It really opens my eyes as to how I can work with my son (who just had his first haircut) to appreciate grooming because it physically feels better to have fewer tangles. I will definitely share with the rest of his village about how independence comes before flexibility. Pediatric shakes, you're next!
The way that you present the independence before flexibility framework makes this very accessible. I find it very challenging to get a good sense of how one of mine handles friendships. For instance, their middle school is doing a candy gram fundraiser, and she only wanted to send candy grams to her teachers and I found myself jumping ahead and thinking, "Well what if one of your friends is disappointed if they don't get one?" But you are right where she did it independently and in a way where she could feel proud of herself, and those are the things that are important.
Phenomenal advice, especially your fifth point - when ND children need support, the confidence to ask can be such a barrier. Loved every point here and will be sharing with my colleagues ❤️