I've been intrigued to learn that more and more parents are starting their kids in school later these days. Both of our sons have August birthdays. We decided to start them in kindergarten at age 6 to give extra time for them to mature emotionally and academically. I think it was a good choice for their ability to handle school both academically and socially but now one of our sons is very very aware of being older than his classmates. I'm concerned that this age difference will become problematic as he gets older but I also don't think he would have been successful as a five-year-old. It feels like there was no good decision.
My main concern for Kindegarden right now (have an almost 4 year old ASD daughter), is her not being able to tell me if someone mistreated her. Until she can come home and tell me that someone was being mean to her, hitting her, etc. it feels very dangerous to let her out on her own like this given how vulnerable she is to mistreatment. She has an IEP and would likely have 1:1 support, but still I live in a large area with very large school system. Has any other parent navigated this?
I’d love to hear other’s thoughts but my son had 1:1 support in elementary school in our large district and for me trusting the 1:1, classroom teacher, and principal were paramount. I couldn’t control everything but if I trusted the actions and reports from those three people, I was able to trust that everything would be ok.
I also find differences in how Kinder is introduced. I had half day kindergarten in the 90s, they had a morning and afternoon kinder. My daughter had a separate kinder focused school where they only taught preschool and kinder. My son however started Kinder in 2020 in the middle of Covid.
All three of us have autism and ADHD, the difference that disruption in routine made for my son was absolutely unquestionable. In hindsight I wish we would have had the option to wait.
I wish there were classes on teaching emotional regulation to parents. I think parental support is lacking in this country (now more than ever in this area with Section 504 being threatened).
The need for more support for parents and teachers is why I started this Substack. When my 17 year old was first diagnosed, we didn’t even have Facebook groups. It was pretty lonely even though as a psychologist I knew what to do, I didn’t have the community to process how it felt to do it. I hope you find some community here!
I have a pretty decent online community of moms on TT, but I do LOVE substack. I have enjoyed your content so far, and I do find it helpful. I guess my point was to draw attention for the need for intersectional services in communities. Parenting classes on authoritative parenting would be amazing.
Right now my goal is to try and be more local community minded. I think a lot of local school programs could benefit by offering resources to parents. I honestly believe we have a lot of trauma merged with ASD happening for adults of the last few generations. Many experience extreme agoraphobia, including myself.
I think accessibility for parents is equally as important as the kiddos. After all the best therapy we can offer children is an emotionally regulated parent. When parents can hold that empathy for themselves they are more likely to empathize and support their children instead of reverting to coercive control and shame.
I will look at your subscription prices, I haven't paid for content before so that is new for me. (Though I do understand the reasoning I want to write a scientific study and I plan to use a pay wall to share my process).
This is thought provoking. Thank you, Emily. What is your take on holding students back later on in their education? For example, an emotionally (and actually) young second grader who excels academically but needs to work on impulse control & emotional regulation? A busy mind thrives on academic challenges, but how should that be balanced with the need for more social-emotional support?
Hi Brooke~Great question. The answer depends on how aware the child is of repeating the grade and if that will have a negative impact on their confidence, which we would want to avoid. One of the reasons repeating a year of preschool has more benefits than costs is that most kids are blissfully unaware of how old anyone else is at that age and they don’t yet compare themselves to others.
Thanks for your thoughtful reply! So true. Kids are highly aware — I’m always amazed at how my ADHD kiddo seems to be in his own world but is clocking *everything* around him. Already I see the 2nd graders I know having thoughts about the 1 or 2 classmates who have repeated a year. The narratives they circulate among themselves are beginning to creep in on even the most ardent parental narratives of “everyone develops at their own perfect pace!” So. It’s not clear-cut. Really appreciate your insights and your fantastic Substack.
I really wish I knew all of this information 25 years ago. My child development classes did not give 1/8 of what I have learned from you in the last 18 months of following you. Your research and information you share is priceless. I try to tell the parents in my class to listen to your podcast. I have 3 autistic kids in my class with several others students whose siblings are. I could have helped my son when he was 2-7 years old if I had understood his overwhelmed feeling after a day at school or the frustrations he felt. Thank you
@lesa I’m so glad you are here! Many of the things I teach I didn’t learn in graduate school, but from parenting my son, working with autistic children for the last 20 years, and continued learning with colleagues. This field is ever evolving and there is so much we continue to learn together!💙
We decided to repeat pre-k and are in the middle of our repeat year now. I think my daughter is currently ready for kindergarten but she most definitely was NOT back in September. I’m glad we waited, I think she will have a whole lot more confidence going into school next year. Both my daughter and I have summer birthdays and adhd. When I was little my preschool teacher advised that I repeat a year prior to kindergarten. Back then, it was not a common practice so my parents pushed me through to elementary school. This did not work out well for me. I was significantly immature compared to my peers and had a very hard time throughout my school experience. I’m hoping to avoid this pitfall with my daughter.
Hi, Nicole! Thanks for sharing this. It’s amazing what another year can do to change the trajectory of our education. I was also very young for my grade. Two weeks before the cut off and was sent on. So I was four when I started Kindergarten and 17 when I started college. I write about this in the “what school was like for Dr. Emily” post but I think I would have been much more laid back about school had I been older. I’m glad you’re feeling confident about your daughter’s extra year!💙
I too started before I was 5 and was in college at 17. I also didn't know I had ADHD at that time, why was school so hard for me, how to study, teachers that did not help me, etc. I look back and know that my education was poor and my disability was not supported to help me know how to learn. I now see it so clearly. Failing tests continuously was not because I didn't study. Your words and stories have helped me to see who I am.
I've been intrigued to learn that more and more parents are starting their kids in school later these days. Both of our sons have August birthdays. We decided to start them in kindergarten at age 6 to give extra time for them to mature emotionally and academically. I think it was a good choice for their ability to handle school both academically and socially but now one of our sons is very very aware of being older than his classmates. I'm concerned that this age difference will become problematic as he gets older but I also don't think he would have been successful as a five-year-old. It feels like there was no good decision.
I agree that sometimes it’s a “lesser of the two evils” situation and we do the best with information we have at the time. Parenting is so hard!
My main concern for Kindegarden right now (have an almost 4 year old ASD daughter), is her not being able to tell me if someone mistreated her. Until she can come home and tell me that someone was being mean to her, hitting her, etc. it feels very dangerous to let her out on her own like this given how vulnerable she is to mistreatment. She has an IEP and would likely have 1:1 support, but still I live in a large area with very large school system. Has any other parent navigated this?
I’d love to hear other’s thoughts but my son had 1:1 support in elementary school in our large district and for me trusting the 1:1, classroom teacher, and principal were paramount. I couldn’t control everything but if I trusted the actions and reports from those three people, I was able to trust that everything would be ok.
That’s a good perspective. Thank you!
I also find differences in how Kinder is introduced. I had half day kindergarten in the 90s, they had a morning and afternoon kinder. My daughter had a separate kinder focused school where they only taught preschool and kinder. My son however started Kinder in 2020 in the middle of Covid.
All three of us have autism and ADHD, the difference that disruption in routine made for my son was absolutely unquestionable. In hindsight I wish we would have had the option to wait.
I wish there were classes on teaching emotional regulation to parents. I think parental support is lacking in this country (now more than ever in this area with Section 504 being threatened).
The need for more support for parents and teachers is why I started this Substack. When my 17 year old was first diagnosed, we didn’t even have Facebook groups. It was pretty lonely even though as a psychologist I knew what to do, I didn’t have the community to process how it felt to do it. I hope you find some community here!
I have a pretty decent online community of moms on TT, but I do LOVE substack. I have enjoyed your content so far, and I do find it helpful. I guess my point was to draw attention for the need for intersectional services in communities. Parenting classes on authoritative parenting would be amazing.
Great idea. I cover parenting styles and neurodivergence some on the Art of Setting Limits parent workshop. I’ll link it below.
Tell me more about what would be helpful. I’m always looking to align my workshops with what’s needed most.
Right now my goal is to try and be more local community minded. I think a lot of local school programs could benefit by offering resources to parents. I honestly believe we have a lot of trauma merged with ASD happening for adults of the last few generations. Many experience extreme agoraphobia, including myself.
I think accessibility for parents is equally as important as the kiddos. After all the best therapy we can offer children is an emotionally regulated parent. When parents can hold that empathy for themselves they are more likely to empathize and support their children instead of reverting to coercive control and shame.
I will look at your subscription prices, I haven't paid for content before so that is new for me. (Though I do understand the reasoning I want to write a scientific study and I plan to use a pay wall to share my process).
https://open.substack.com/pub/learnwithdremily/p/the-art-of-setting-limits-with-your?r=1a6jof&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=false
Workshops are for paid subscribers. Send me a DM if that’s a hardship and I’ll gift you a one month subscription.
This is thought provoking. Thank you, Emily. What is your take on holding students back later on in their education? For example, an emotionally (and actually) young second grader who excels academically but needs to work on impulse control & emotional regulation? A busy mind thrives on academic challenges, but how should that be balanced with the need for more social-emotional support?
Hi Brooke~Great question. The answer depends on how aware the child is of repeating the grade and if that will have a negative impact on their confidence, which we would want to avoid. One of the reasons repeating a year of preschool has more benefits than costs is that most kids are blissfully unaware of how old anyone else is at that age and they don’t yet compare themselves to others.
Thanks for your thoughtful reply! So true. Kids are highly aware — I’m always amazed at how my ADHD kiddo seems to be in his own world but is clocking *everything* around him. Already I see the 2nd graders I know having thoughts about the 1 or 2 classmates who have repeated a year. The narratives they circulate among themselves are beginning to creep in on even the most ardent parental narratives of “everyone develops at their own perfect pace!” So. It’s not clear-cut. Really appreciate your insights and your fantastic Substack.
Of course. Thank you for reading, watching and following along!
I really wish I knew all of this information 25 years ago. My child development classes did not give 1/8 of what I have learned from you in the last 18 months of following you. Your research and information you share is priceless. I try to tell the parents in my class to listen to your podcast. I have 3 autistic kids in my class with several others students whose siblings are. I could have helped my son when he was 2-7 years old if I had understood his overwhelmed feeling after a day at school or the frustrations he felt. Thank you
@lesa I’m so glad you are here! Many of the things I teach I didn’t learn in graduate school, but from parenting my son, working with autistic children for the last 20 years, and continued learning with colleagues. This field is ever evolving and there is so much we continue to learn together!💙
We decided to repeat pre-k and are in the middle of our repeat year now. I think my daughter is currently ready for kindergarten but she most definitely was NOT back in September. I’m glad we waited, I think she will have a whole lot more confidence going into school next year. Both my daughter and I have summer birthdays and adhd. When I was little my preschool teacher advised that I repeat a year prior to kindergarten. Back then, it was not a common practice so my parents pushed me through to elementary school. This did not work out well for me. I was significantly immature compared to my peers and had a very hard time throughout my school experience. I’m hoping to avoid this pitfall with my daughter.
Hi, Nicole! Thanks for sharing this. It’s amazing what another year can do to change the trajectory of our education. I was also very young for my grade. Two weeks before the cut off and was sent on. So I was four when I started Kindergarten and 17 when I started college. I write about this in the “what school was like for Dr. Emily” post but I think I would have been much more laid back about school had I been older. I’m glad you’re feeling confident about your daughter’s extra year!💙
I too started before I was 5 and was in college at 17. I also didn't know I had ADHD at that time, why was school so hard for me, how to study, teachers that did not help me, etc. I look back and know that my education was poor and my disability was not supported to help me know how to learn. I now see it so clearly. Failing tests continuously was not because I didn't study. Your words and stories have helped me to see who I am.
I’m so glad you feel seen! We know so much more now that we did when we were going through school...and still learning!💙